when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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