I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
dude. I can hear the air.
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