i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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