he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
