Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
