Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
