So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
