he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
