Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
