walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
