ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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