before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
