Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
