Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
