Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
