Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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