I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
