ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
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