Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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