So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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