Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
