it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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