Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
