i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
