I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Every concussion has its silver lining
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
