We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
