One girl and one boy is just not enough.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
