my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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