i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
