big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
