It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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