I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
