This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
