about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
