I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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