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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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