I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
