I'm gonna have a badass scar
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
