I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
