1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
