why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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