Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
