fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
