the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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