Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
