I must be too annoying 4 u.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
