i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
