Will you blow on my dice?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
