I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
