so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
